It took me a long time to decide if I was going to write about this or not. It’s a scary feeling putting something so personal out there. It’s even scarier when you know that friends and family read your blog and with a click of a button they’ll know something so intimate about you. Despite all that I think that this is something important that I talk about. Not only for myself but for other people who may be feeling the same way or dealing with the same issues that I dealt with. So….here it goes……I was diagnosed with Epstein Barr. Epstein Barr is actually the virus that causes mono or the “kissing disease”. Most people will have this virus in their lifetime. In some people it sticks around for months and years and in other people it goes away unnoticed after a few weeks. I just happen to be part of the first group. Before I go any further, let me tell you what led up to me even getting this diagnosis and how I’m doing now…….
I actually got diagnosed with Epstein Barr while I was still in Nicaragua. As most of you know I came back home to the States for about 7 weeks and then made my way back to Nicaragua in October. Because I had been there before, I knew what to expect and felt confident that the last 3 months would be a breeze. Boy was I wrong. My moods took a turn for the worse. There was a situation going on that I basically used as a catalyst for how I was feeling. I would literally wake up crying. I had no energy. I stopped exercising and sometimes I would barely eat. Those of you that know me know how important exercising is to me. And of course I LOVE food. I figured it was just this certain situation taking its toll on me and that I needed to suck it up and get a grip on my emotions. I spent countless hours on the phone with my mom and close friends trying to get a clear head about why I was feeling the way I was and willing it to stop. It seemed like no matter what anybody said and what I did, nothing helped. I felt bad for burdening my roommate with my irrational feelings and illogical thinking. On several occasions I talked to her trying to explain my feelings and actions. It’s hard trying to make someone understand something that you don’t even understand yourself. I started to give up, wishing that the next few weeks would just fly by so that I could go back home and recharge my batteries.
A number of our friends in Nicaragua had been telling us about this doctor they went to. They talked about how great the experience was and how she helped like no doctor had before. Her practice is frequency medicine. She hooks you up to these machines and basically reads the energies in your body to see exactly what’s going on. My roommate really wanted to give it a try so I decided to go along with her. Why not right? Before going inside they pricked my finger to get a sample before blood and also had me spit into a napkin. After that it was time to talk to the doctor. I went in there with no intentions of telling her how I’d been feeling. I just thought that she could help you with what you were feeling physically. I figured I had nothing to lose so when she asked me what was going on I immediately opened up. I told her everything I had been feeling emotionally. I told her how I couldn’t stop crying. I told her how I should be happy. I was living my dream of volunteering abroad, doing so with someone I had grown to love and care about but I was so sad. I managed to hold back the tears while she just gave me a nonjudgmental listening ear. After using my blood and saliva to read my energies and doing a detox she told me what she had found. She picked up depression on all three diagnostic levels. I also had chronic fatigue which explained why I was so tired all the time. The root cause? Epstein Barr. On a scale from 0-21 I was at a 18. When she said that everything started to click. She asked me how long I had been feeling that way and I told her I specifically remember being depressed after graduating high school. I even decided to check myself into therapy (I’ll talk about that in another post) a few years ago because my emotions were just all over the place. It all made sense. After that she began to talk to me about the treatment that she would be giving me, how it works, etc. She would be making me an alcohol based solution mixed with different solutions to combat what was going on in my body. She also gave me a patch (it was similar to a bus card) that was magnetically charged that I would wear every night, alternating between my chest and my left side. Because I would be leaving soon she wanted to treat it aggressively which I was totally on board for.
For the rest of the evening I was literally in tears. It felt so good to have my feelings validated. To realize that there was something actually going on and now we could do something to fix it. On the other hand I was really sad. There’s such a stigma that comes along with depression and other mental illnesses. I was worried about how my friends would view me.
The next couple days after my first few doses I felt like absolute crap. The tears didn’t stop and I felt on edge. Fortunately as time went on things got better. I stopped crying (thank goodness!) and I slowly started to feel like my old self.
I went back to her 2 weeks later and I found out that I went down on the Epstein Barr scale. As I mentioned before at first it was an 18. When I went back it was an 8. It was working! I went back 2 weeks after that and it dropped even lower. It was a 3. I was finally getting, and feeling, so much better.
Now that I’m home I’m feeling like my old self. My old, old self. When I first got here I had a little anxiety but I’ve been able to overcome it and work through things. The doctor was super nice and sent me home with two bottles of the solution plus another patch, this one looking like a credit which should last longer. I think the Epstein Barr is officially out of my system. I’ve had a lot more energy, been working out regularly and my appetite is back to normal. I’ve been cooking more, eating a lot better and enjoying figuring out what’s next in my life. Even though the road to that diagnosis was difficult, I’m so happy it happened and I’m even more happy that a solution was found.
Thank you all for letting me be so open and honest. It’s scary to be so vulnerable and to put yourself out there like that. But I feel like this is MY blog. It’s for me to document my life and my story. This is part of my story. Thanks for being a part of it! Talk to you guys soon! XOXO